ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
