Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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