I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
