grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I CAN MOONWALK!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
