It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
