pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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