I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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