It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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