Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
