If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
