How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
