I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
