plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
