so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
