not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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