then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
