eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
