Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
