so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
