The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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