just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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