carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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