I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
