Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
