did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
