Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
