just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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