My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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