Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
