Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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