I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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