She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
