Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
