No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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