in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
