Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
