booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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