FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
