Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
