I am puke
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
