well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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