You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
