I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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The convent might be a nice break from real life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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