when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
