An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
