i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
