I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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