my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
