You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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