Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
