is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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