know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
