Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
