Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
