I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I will pee on everything he values.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
