Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
