I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
