i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Vodka?
Forever.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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