So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
