Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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