stop calling my apartment porn island.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
