I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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