I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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