and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
