I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
North Korea, Best Korea!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
