When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
