If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize