I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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