If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Come share oat with me in your robe
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
