Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
