omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
