I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do vagina's smell?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
