I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
