Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think people are normalizing furries
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
