So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
