why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you had me at cake vodka
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
not ubering you a puppy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
