Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
