ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
