Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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