I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
